Well, I took a hard look at myself in the mirror yesterday and I wasn't thrilled with what I saw. Literally, not figuratively. I was getting ready for a shower and like, yuck.
Overall, I like myself. I'm a good person, I work hard when I work, and I'm kind to small animals and little children. That's not what I'm talking about. Stripped naked, I'm not happy with what I see. And I've got two choices: accept that I am fat and old OR do something about it.
Okay, there's a third choice which is a mixture of both. A person needs to find some kind of acceptance of the things they don't like about themselves or they'll never get past it to making those things any better. So, I'm old and fat AND I'm going to do something about it. Well, the fat part. There ain't much I can do about the old part. I made the decision a long time ago to stick with what I've got rather than try to mask it in some way - my gray hairs were earned, after all, and the thought of surgeries or creams or whathaveyou is unappetizing to me.
So, I'm working on what I can work on - my weight and my activity level. Which means getting back to the basics for me. Eat less, exercise more. Started with dinner last night (because dinner was after my shower and my yuck experience).
Now, I know me. I don't do well with denying myself food. What I do well at is limiting the amounts of food. For instance, I made fish sticks last night - the bigger, breaded and fried fillet kind. Yummers. I usually eat two, on a bun with mayo and cheese. Side of fries. Last night, I had one fillet - no bun, no cheese - and fewer fries. Plus, I made up the difference in 'amount of food' with grapes, so my stomach wouldn't be hounding me all night.
Tonight, I plan to make grilled cheese sandwiches and soup. When I do the grilled cheese, I will use three slices of cheese - today we have muenster, swiss, and cheddar - because that's how I roll. And it'll probably be homemade turkey noodle soup. I'll eat half the sandwich instead of all of it, and I'll portion out a smaller bowl of soup. Maybe go light on the oyster crackers there, too.
It's not the freeway to weight loss, but it's a road that'll get me there quicker in the long run than trying to do this the fast way and failing miserably. At the very least, it'll stop my expansion.
Smaller dishes of ice cream. Not as many M&Ms in my bowl of fewer mixed nuts than usual. Six potato chips with lunch rather than twelve. Since we're out of cake and homemade cookies, those will be flat out for a while. (Until the urge to bake overwhelms me, then smaller portions there, too.)
That's step one. Step two is to get my body moving in a more calorie-burning fashion. Sure, I've been pretty active so far this winter, but the things I'm doing aren't necessarily getting the heart pumping and the fat burning. I haven't taken a single walk this year or put a single mile on the exercise bike. That's gotta change. Starting today. If the snow is gone and the temps are okay, I may walk this afternoon. If not, I will use the bike.
In four months, I'll be 52. I'd like to slide into 52 a little lighter and a little more fit. And that's on me. One-hundred percent.
And no need to worry about my self-esteem. It's fine. I am what I am. I'd just prefer there to be less of what I am and for what's there to not kill me any time soon. And no one is driving this but me. Hubs loves me and thinks I'm dead sexy whatever weight I am. (Okay, the photos of me when I was 110 pounds leave him a little cold, but I'll never be that skinny again, so no worries there.)
So yeah, eat less, exercise more. That's my key to fitness. Time to put the key into the ignition and fire this puppy up. ;o)