This morning, a FB friend of mine asked if anyone had heard the new thing where you're not supposed to thank people for doing the things they're expected to do. And from there, she went off. And in comments, I went off. Seems like a perfect subject for today's post.
First off, thank you. Thank you for being here and reading this today. I don't really expect you to be here. And I'm glad when you are - even if you don't comment.
It occurs to me, maybe there's the crux of the issue. Expectations. Perhaps the reason they're trying to get people to stop saying thank you is because they think of all the little things as things we are EXPECTED to do. If you expect people to do things, then you might not feel as if you should thank them.
When a waitress brings your dinner, she's expected to do that. Don't thank her.
When someone holds the door for you, they ought to do that. Don't thank them.
When your husband takes out the garbage, he's expected to do that. Don't thank him.
When your wife does the shopping, she's expected to do that. Don't thank her.
When firemen puts out your burning home, it's what they're supposed to do. Don't thank them.
When a cop stops a guy from shooting you, well, that's his job and he's expected to do that. Don't thank him.
Except in each case, there should be some measure of gratitude, so 'thank you' is the least you can do in return. Yeah, in all of the instances above, those people are expected to do what they did. Does your expectation makes their job any less important than it was? Are you less grateful because you expected them to do it? If the answer is yes, shame on you.
Entitled brats expect others to do things for them without their having to acknowledge the effort.
Hubs and I thank each other often - for all the little things and for all the big things. And we don't do it by rote. We mean it. So what if taking out the garbage is 'his job'? I'm grateful he does it. So what if grocery shopping is 'my job'? He's grateful I do it. I could easily take out the trash. He could easily do the shopping. (He could... I won't let him, but he could.)
We also don't say 'thank you' because we assume the other person expects it. Neither of us expects it. He doesn't stand there tapping his foot waiting for me to thank him for doing the laundry anymore than I'm waiting for him to thank me for doing the dishes. We just do it.
All in all, it's pretty nice. People ought to try it.
So, once again, I thank you for being here. I thank you for being my friends. I thank you for reading my words and enjoying them.
Now, go out there and say thank you to the people in your lives who do things they're expected to do. Because there may come a day when they don't do the things you expect of them because they're tired of the world not recognizing the things they do.
And if someone thanks you, don't blush and say 'it's nothing'. K?
And thank you for posting this!ReplyDelete
Not showing or verbalizing gratitude is another rung ripped from polite society. I was raised to say thank you because it's the right thing to do and because I am grateful. Why wouldn't I thank someone who's been kind?
When they've been especially kind, like taking me and my dog to an emergency vet after my dog was pulled out of a burning house I hug them too.
My main annoyance is when people say "no problem" to my thank you.
There's a burger franchise near us called Culvers. Every single person says "my pleasure" when you say thank you to them. It's refreshing.
If people counted their blessings, a lot of their perceived slights would disappear.
Thank you for being so erudite. Thank you for your friendship and all the expectations that might entail. Thank you for being you. Thank you for writing cool books I enjoy reading and creating characters I enjoy spending time with.
And I had not heard this thing. I'm glad I didn't encounter it on social media (have I mentioned how much I hate social media?) because my blood pressure is high enough from just walking through a room where the TV was on the news.
The sun is up. I think I fixed the problem with my book but I'm going to set it aside for a bit and dive into someone else's words for a beta read. Psst Thanks for the distraction! 😉
ROFL! --> He could easily do the shopping. (He could... I won't let him, but he could.)ReplyDelete
Thank yous -- and gratitude in general -- are at once the grease and the glue that keep society functioning.
Thank you for writing your blogs. Thank you for writing entertaining and absorbing books!