As I sit here, reading through Unequal and attempting to whip it into some kind of okay before it lands on my editor's desk, I hear the words whisper in my head and pop out my mouth. "Wow, this is really bad."
Wooden dialogue. Lame descriptions. Purpley prose.
Not the entire manuscript, mind you. Just the scene I'm reading now. It's BAD. Blech. I feel like I need to re-write the whole thing. But I only have until Saturday to get this ready. Hell, I'm not sure I could fix it if I had a month.
And I have to ask myself, is it really that bad, or am I having a crisis of confidence? (No, I won't subject any of you to it.) I mean, I don't write bad. But I am prone to crises of confidence on a regular basis. And the current crisis is a whopper.
With the entirely lackluster roll-out of Sleeping Ugly, I'm wondering again what the hell I was thinking becoming a self-published author and wondering why I ever assumed anyone would want to buy my books.
And then there's the review thing. Losing one review wouldn't be so bad if I had loads of reviews, which I don't - a fact that whispers in the back of my head that if I was any kind of good, people would get an overwhelming urge to write a review. I don't even spur people into writing a bad review, which would at least mean I evoked some kind of response.
And the more I think about all the reasons why I could potentially be craptastic, the worse the crisis gets. An endless downward spiral of crappy internal dialogue. :shudder: So I try not to think about it. Except when I can't NOT think about it.
I'm not sure what I'll do to resolve the issue with this book. I might just leave the scene alone and see what AWE thinks. If she comes back and tells me it sucks, then I'll deal with it. On the brightside, no one out in the world has seen it sucky and no one ever will. It's not due out until late November / early December, so I have plenty of time to fix it. Unless AWE proclaims the whole damn thing unfixable.
Do you suffer from crises of confidence? How do you overcome them? Or do you just motor through and hope they'll go away, like I do?