Friday, December 15, 2017

The Ever-Widening Ass at Christmas

Since I don't feel like talking about crime or writerly stuff today, I decided to post here. 

I got a Godiva newsletter this morning, and I'm questioning why I ever signed up for it.  Oh yeah, because I went to look for some creme brulee truffles I'd seen in a gift box in a catalog, you know to see if they were available outside the gift box, and when I got to their site, they said to sign up for the newsletter and receive 10% off an order.  So I signed up.  You know, just in case I saw something my willpower couldn't override.  My willpower won.  But now I'm getting these newsletters with the most scrumptious stuff inside and everything is on sale and I...  Argh.  My ever-widening ass so totally does not need Godiva.

I stepped on the scale recently after however many months.  The poundage I had lost is slowly creeping back onto my butt.  So, I started exercising again.  Not hard and not consistently, which is why I'm still growing.  Of course, when the momentum is pushing in one direction it's not necessarily easy to get it stopped and then get it headed in the opposite direction.  That's just simple physics.  Right?

I also still get the Swiss Colony catalogs on a regular basis, but after a totally trashed batch of sea foam ordered both for Mom and for myself, I'm kind of off SC right now. 

Mom's been ordering me stuff from someplace called Stoneberry (I think...).  Last year, we got really nice fleecy shirt/jacket things.  I'm wearing mine now.  This year, she sent us really super soft fleecy blankets.  Fleecy stuff is definitely better for my ass.

She also sent us fudge made by monks in Kentucky.  It's awesome.  Coffee flavored fudge for me and raspberry chocolate fudge for Hubs.  I'm eating it in small pieces, which will help with my butt.  To be fair, I usually send Mom chocolates of some kind and she is also in a position where her ass doesn't need them either.  But, come on... CHOCOLATES!

Thinking about it this morning, I have been exceptionally good about not buying and eating Christmas treats this year.  Usually we have a big bowl of chocolates and several boxes of chocolates on the dining room table.  This year?  Just the fudge.

My problem is not holiday treats.  It's the big bag of M&Ms I keep in the cupboard.  And the several bags of assorted chips/snacks I buy - Bugles, Doritos, Fritos (plain and honey bbq), cheesy pretzel bits...  I fix myself an assortment of those in a bowl, set it next to my chair, and proceed to eat the whole damn bowl. 

And my ass grows ever wider, like the monster in the movie Evolution.  I don't think shampoo will save the day this time.

So, I'm upping my activity level.  And I'm upping my activity because I know I have no will power to decrease the amounts of food I'm eating.  Now that the lake level is going down, I have more places to walk while I fish (well, except for the fact that they closed my park for the season... dirty bastards).
Unfortunately, in the winter, I'm less inclined to want to go fishing.  The fish aren't biting, but the wind is.  Thus, I have started turning on the disco channel and dancing for however many minutes I can manage before I reach my limit.  I managed 10 minutes the first time and 15 the last time.  I was up to 30 minutes when I was doing this regularly, so I've got a little ways to go.  I'll get there.  And an interesting thing about doing this increased activity thing is that when I increase my activity, I'm less inclined to want to sit on my ever-widening ass eating snacks.  Win-win.

So, I weighed myself just now.  188.  Seven pounds down from my high, but also 7 pounds up from my low.  We'll see if I can hold steady over the holidays and then lose some of that in the new year. 

OMG, I think I just made my first resolution for 2018.  :shudder:

My ever-widening ass is already cringing, but I will defeat it.  Maybe.  I guess.  ;o)

1 comment:

  1. Let's don't go there. My ass is widening and I'm not snacking or bingeing or anything else. It sucks. I'd get down on my knees and kiss the scale if I hit 188 because that would mean I COULD get down on my knees and more importantly, GET UP!

    Plus, chocolate! I don't buy it because I will eat it.

    I really should move all the boxes, totes, and junk hanging on the gazelle so I'd start using it again. But that means moving all the boxes, totes, and junk hanging on the gazelle. Too much effort.

    More power to you!