Type Yourself Thin

Howdy Folks!  I'm here today with a special, limited-time offer.  Today only you can learn the secret to shedding those unwanted extra pounds (and a few of the wanted, necessary ones) quickly and easily.  All you have to do is...

TYPE YOURSELF THIN!

That's right, folks.  It's as simple as sitting your butt down in a comfortable desk chair, placing those wiggly digits on the keyboard and typing.  In no time at all, you'll be burning those calories and dropping dress sizes*!

Why just yesterday I typed over fifty-six HUNDRED words and I can already tell the difference.  My sweat pants are looser** and my ratty old t-shirt looks like a million bucks. 

As an added bonus to all those calories you're burning when you type, you'll reach a point where you no longer reach for those fattening treats***.  You'll just feel full and satisfied with the words you've created.

So, start today and TYPE YOURSELF THIN!

What have you got to lose (besides your sanity)?

Disclaimer: This pretend advertisement is in no way meant to imply that you will actually lose any significant amount of weight while typing.  Consult with a physician before starting or stopping any typing routine.  Your mileage may vary.  Offer not valid outside the U.S.  Offer also not valid inside the U.S. 

* or at least dropping the idea of wearing dresses altogether.

** probably because I didn't eat much yesterday since I was too busy typing

***because you can no longer lift your arms.