Thursday, October 27, 2011

I Refuse

If you've been here a while, you might recall me talking about my accident.  Those first days after I was back inside me head were spent pretty much whining and feeling sorry for myself.  I spent more time thinking about how I couldn't do something than actually trying to do it.  I was focused on the pain.  Getting out of bed hurt.  Being rolled down to therapy hurt.  And therapy itself was agony (they don't refer to PT as pain & torture for nothin').

Funny thing.  The more I thought about how much everything hurt, the more it hurt.

I don't know exactly what happened to snap me out of it.  Maybe it was the nurse who told me to stop being such a baby.  Maybe it was the skanky dude with the broken back who made fun of me in therapy.  Maybe it was sitting in front of the mirror crying over how much I thought I lost.  Whatever the cause, it was a major attitude adjustment for me.

I stopped whining about every little ache and pain.  The pains were a part of my new reality and I had to get over them to move forward.  Once I realized this, everything got easier.  I started to progress at a rate that surprised my therapists.  I made getting better my one job.  Whining?  Let someone else take that job - I was done with it.

Almost 18 years have passed.  It was a lesson I thought I'd never forget, but on some level, I must've forgotten it.  I exercise a little bit and the next day I'm little Pammy*, whining about every muscle twinge.

Me.  I broke my frickin' thigh for petesakes and now achy muscles kick my ass?  I don't think so.

It's been the same with work.  It's been a long day and I'm just not up to writing?  Whine.  I had to relearn my multiplication tables at the age of 24.  If I'd whined then like I whine now, I would still be wondering what 9 x 3 is.

So, I took myself in hand this past weekend.  I made some conscious choices.  Every day I will exercise, and on those days where I don't formally workout, I'm going to clean the hell out of something.  (Sunday and Monday, I exercised.  Yesterday and today, I rearranged my library.  The shelves & books that were on the register wall are now on the non-register wall, and my daughter's desk is now underneath the window.)  I refuse to bitch about the soreness.

I refuse.

After all the work I did today, I could've just let tonight's writing time slide.  I have some really valid reasons excuses.  I shoveled snow, I rearrange furniture, I didn't sleep good last night... blah blah blah. I did the dishes (I didn't want to do them either) and I wrote.  It wasn't much.  Considering I wasn't going to do any words, the 862 I did is a win.

Whining gets you nowhere.  It never really makes you feel better.  In fact, it can often make you feel worse.  The only thing that makes you feel better is pushing forward.

No whining allowed.  I refuse to do it.  And if you catch me whining, feel free to pinch me - HARD.

What do you refuse to do?

*No offense to anyone named Pam.  PAM in this case stands for Piss And Moan.  When I'm pissing and moaning about something, I call myself Pammy.


  1. Excellent post, B.E. - you are just so motivational and inspiring :)

    I've taken to conjuring up people when I start to whine about my running or exercise schedule - the gang on The Biggest Loser (if they can do it...), a boy I taught years ago who was overweight and bullied, but came out for cross country running anyway and gave me 110% everyday, the 100 year old man who just ran the Toronto Marathon (and only started running when he turned 80). I have others that I call upon, and all push me when I can't push myself!

    Let's hope it works for my writing in November - oh, I should make a list of people related to writing...

  2. An inspiration. You have prevailed, good for you. I find if I start my day (everyday) with a few sit ups and a few reps on the dumb bells I'll not only feel better all day, but I'll be more concious of what I eat too. It might not be a walk on the treadmill, but it's something.

  3. It's so important to make that distinction between reasons and excuses...sigh. I need to hear this advice OFTEN as much as I don't want to admit it. Thank you!

  4. Great post. Well done for pushing ahead through the pain and for your great word count.