Friday, August 19, 2011

She's Gone

Well, I did it.  I left my daughter at CSU yesterday. 

What a day.  We left here at 6:30am and I arrived back home at 7pm.  Along the way, we dealt with long lines, full elevators, 7 flights of stairs and what I thought was too much stuff (until I saw how much her roommate brought).  My brain was wrecked by the time I got home.

My body is wrecked this morning.

On the bright side, her room is really nice and the view is to die for (pics later).  Her roommate seems like a good person and I met the girl's father - who seems stable - so that worry is lessened.  Her mentor is really cool and they have a lot in common.  The resident advisor for her floor reminds me of my first RA - which is a good thing.  Chris (my RA) was awesome and is the person who introduced me to Monty Python.

When I left her at 4, we were in such a whirlwind, we barely had time to hug.  She had a meeting to get to and I had to get the hell out of the city before rush hour drowned me.  On the long drive home, I kept expecting to break down.  I mean, I just dumped my baby in the middle of a sea of people.  I deserted her.  But I didn't feel anything except that a weight was off my shoulders. 

I mean, it was a long road getting her to this point.  And I've been angsting over this for months.  I should feel some relief that this part of the trial is over, right?  I'm allowed that.

Last night, as I was getting ready to dragged my wrecked butt to bed, I passed the stairwell down to my daughter's room.  That did it.  That little act of passing the stairs instead of stopping, switching on the light and calling down "Night, Ki!"  Well, that undid me.

The relief is gone.  And now I'm trying not to cry.  My little girl isn't so little anymore.  In fact, she isn't little at all.  She's a grown woman, out in the world for the first time.  She'll do fine, but I miss her.  Who am I gonna dish the dirt with now?  Who am I gonna look at something cute or funny or disturbed with now? 

Who am I gonna call down the stairs to?

And if you're reading this, Ki?  Unpack your dufflebag already (the blue one, not the white bag).  I left something in there for you.  Oh, and read your email - you have a mandatory get together at the COB.

See?  I'm can't stop calling down the stairs - even when the stairs are 3 hrs away.


  1. Oh man, my day is still about four years off, and already I'm choking up about it.

    Great post.

  2. Hugs...I have a few weeks until I drop DS1 at uni.

  3. Hugs! It feels like a little piece of death right now, but keep thinking about how much fun you'll have when she comes home for the holidays.

  4. Aw. Hang in there. It's all good! Even if it hurts right now.

  5. And I thought taking mine to kindergarten was bad. Can't imagine when he leaves the house. Hugs to you.

  6. Poor you. When my son first went to uni I couldn't listen to music for two months! Sounds barmy, but it made me emotional. He, on the other hand, settled in immediately and is still having a brilliant time two years later. Good grades too, which is a relief.

  7. What a hard moment. I am still trying to get all of my kids into elementary, and now, just the thought of when they are grown and embarking out on their own breaks my heart. You sound like you have handled it so well. I hope I can do as well when that time comes. :)