Thursday, January 6, 2011

Wrestling with Myself

As seems to happen every once in a while, I get into a wrestling match with myself.  Usually it's about this crazy business called writing.  You know, whether I'm actually accomplishing anything or whether I'll ever write something someone wants to publish.  And whether this is just an exercise in mental masturbation.  (Fun?  Yeah, but not exactly productive.)

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not thinking about quitting - at least not the writing part.  I love writing too much to stop.  Over the past few weeks, though, I've been playing around with the idea of quitting the whole 'trying to get published' part.  I mean, after almost seven years of writing and a little over six of submitting, what good am I doing?

Each book I write, I am absolutely sure is marketable.  They're all premises I'd want to slap down good money to read about.  They've all been well received by various readers over the years (and those readers are not just family members, tyvm).  I've had published authors read my stuff and like it.  So, wtf?

And still, the rejection letters keep coming in.

Maybe it isn't them, it's me.  I mean, I am what I am.  (Go Popeye.)  I'm a little intolerant and a little hermit-like, and a lot opinionated.  But I am, like I said about my daughter on her college application - 'stubborn but open to change in the face of rational argument'.  (Yeah, she gets that from me.  Big surprise.)

I also write how I read.  As a reader, I like to skip over long descriptiony parts, so as a writer, I tend to not write those.  For instance: I don't care what color a character's eyes are when I'm reading.  It's superficial and unnecessary to who they are, so I might not remember to give that information about the characters I'm writing.

 *Images deleted due to possible copyright infringement*

Having brown hair and green eyes (or red hair/blue eyes, or white hair/brown eyes)...  doesn't make a damn bit of difference to the story.  (Unless a character's hair is dye-job blue and her eyes are red due to color contacts.  That says something about who she is because it's a choice she made.)

:shrug:  I dunno.  I'm just rambling.  For those of you who haven't been around, it's how I work through problems.  I ramble on the blog.  In real life, I also talk to myself out loud - occasionally in public.

Anyway, I'm still forging ahead.  And I'm still working toward publication - because, as I may have mentioned, I'm stubborn.  I will get a book published - and get paid for it - sooner or later... if it kills me.

Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.  ;o)


  1. You need to get out of my head, B.E. ;)

    I'm coming to the same conclusions myself these days - but it's so hard to give up on something I think is the next logical step! But maybe it's not the next logical step for me - and the guilt of trying follow those steps that seem passionateless and tiresome makes me insane. I think guilt is my biggest hang-up - and excuse.

    All food for thought at the beginning of this year I've labeled "Change". And thanks for being so honest and out there.

  2. I've been through this battle. This year I am getting abck to the reasons I love writing. And yes, being published as a fiction author is still a goal...but the negatives of that side of things no longer hold the same power with me. HUGS

  3. Maybe just stop fretting about it? Don't stop submitting yet, but, I donno how to say it right so: just stop caring? If you get publish awesome if not that's fine too? I mean, I know the dream is publication but the love is the writing, right?

    Good luck, whatever you decide!

  4. That's so amazing that you like to write how you read because I do that, too! I hate long descriptions which is why I will never be one of those authors who writes beautiful and flowing prose.

    I think you should keep going!!

  5. Your stubbornness is your greatest downfall. If you would just submit to some epubs and start making a name for yourself, things could change, you know. Just saying.

  6. This reminds me of my favorite quote ... "Try again. Fail again. Fail better." ~~ Samuel Beckett

    Rejection is tough, especially when you spend as much blood, sweat, and tears as it takes to write an entire manuscript. I understand your frustration but I am also in awe of you as well. I've been a wannabe writer since I was 12 years old, writing novel length work since I was 15 and have submitted once. Rejection got the best of me for six long years but I'm determined to overcome it. I hope you do too.

  7. You can totally do it! Do you have any critique partners? They whipped my ass into serious shape. Without them, SPITFIRE would still be a 108K behemoth filled with redundancies and little darlings and unsightly plot cracks.

    But aside from all that, you are awesome. You'll get there.