Thursday This n That

I could've sworn today was Friday.  Bummer.

Long ago, I was a serious Negative Nelly.  And an unpleasant person to be around.  I wasn't happy unless I could find something to bitch about.  One day, way back in college, a co-worker and semi-friend gave me a wake up call.  He told me I'd never get anywhere if I didn't change my attitude.  With way more words and in his pervasive jokester way.  I looked at myself and my life, where I was and where I wanted to be, and l changed my attitude.  Oh, I still get cases of the negatives from time to time... who doesn't?  But I am a way happier person.  Now, there's a negative person in the building where I work.  Not a co-worker, but I see her from time to time and it seems like she's always bitching about something.  I see a bit of my old self in her and I don't like it.  I'm using it, though, to make sure I stay on a more positive track.  

Toxic people... Ugh.  They aren't who the mainstream want you to believe they are.  

Anyway, let's be happy.  Let's be positive.  Spread that shit everywhere.  I think the next time I encounter the negative, I'm going to positive all over it.  Say 'isn't it a BEE YOU TEE FULL day?'.  Or something.  I have to work on my delivery.  

Hubs is driving me to work today so he can take my car in to get the new squeaky brakes replaced by newer not-squeaky brakes.  Warranty work.  Yay.  And thus will end the brakes saga that's been going on for-EVER.  (Okay, so mainly just a lot of this year.  It just feels like forever.  First, the old brakes squealed because they were going bad.  Then the new brakes squeaked because they weren't adjusted right, supposedly.  Now, they just squeak because they were manufactured with a flaw.  Derp.)   Anyway, three cheers for Hubs!  And fingers crossed the mechanics get it right this time.

I don't have to pack a lunch today because the office is buying lunch.  Yay.  I guess it's a kind of thank you for the good job we're doing.  

It's finally cool enough for me to wear all the old work clothes that have been hanging in my closet for ages.  Yesterday, I pulled out a sport jacket (blazer?) that I didn't even remember owning.  Once I brushed the dust off the shoulders, it was quite nice.  Just your basic black blazer.   I also have one in dark blue with burgundy accents.  And a gray one.  And a black one with light nubbies.  And a tan and black one that's done in a very tiny plaid.  Dude, I was all about the blazers 20 years ago.  Thank goodness they're back in fashion.  I'd wear them even if they weren't, though.  They're my style.  But the 20-yr-old in the office assures me they're very cute, so I'm hip.  Or 'gooch', as the kids these days are saying.

Okay, it's 7 o'clock here, which means I should probably get moving in a workerly direction.  Have a great day.  And remember to stay positive!

Just Pondering

Over on Outside the Box, I made some negative statements about myself this morning and it got me to thinking.

Years... ahem, decades ago I heard something about 'negative self-talk and how we all needed to do away with it.  I think it was Leo Buscaglia.  He was big back then.  Anyway, it sort of made sense.  I mean, the one person you should count on to not say negative things to you and about you is yourself.  Right?

Lately, though, I've been wondering.  Some of my biggest accomplishments have occurred after I got downright nasty with myself.  Drill sergeant screaming in my ear nasty.  "Okay, Meissner*, you big, diaper-baby, are you going to sit in that wheelchair and whine, or are you going to walk again?" "Oh, boo-hoo, you sissy. No agent will represent you?  Well, wah.  Get off your dead ass and publish the books yourself."  "Books aren't selling?  Well, you turd, you haven't done anything to make that happen, now have you?" "Feeling fat?  Put down the damn bowl of ice cream and go for a fucking walk, ya loser."  That sort of thing.

Yeah, I could be nicer about it, but nicer doesn't work for me.  (Of course, if anyone but me talked to me like that, I'd kick 'em in the jewels.)  I can be nicer to myself after I get shit done.

If all you ever hear is that you're awesome, how do you know when you're not?  Maybe we need a little 'you suck' every once in a while to kick ourselves in the ass.  :shrug:

I don't mean in a 'ruin your self esteem' way.  Pointing out the negatives here and there shouldn't overwhelm the positives.  It isn't all gloom and doom.  I'm a good person.  I get stuff done.  I like me.

But it isn't all rainbows and lollipops either.  As I said on OTB, I'm weak and fainthearted sometimes.  If I don't point out the flaw, I won't fix it.  Shine a big ol' light on it so it can't hide, and then kick its lily-white ass.

So, yeah, you should be kind to yourself, but you should also kick your own ass when it needs it.  

Just pondering.

*When I yell at myself, I use my maiden name.

Thursday This n That

Something I ate last night has me on the ropes this morning.  Nothing hugely bad, but I feel like I should be asking if anyone got the license plate number for the truck that ran me over.  At this point, I'm blaming the salad dressing because it's the only thing I ate that Hubs did not eat.  I tried this new Greek dressing.  Hubs had his standby Catalina.  He's fine and I'm not.  Oh well, better me than him. 

I so totally do not have time for this. 

I saw someone lamenting this morning about the negativity on social media dragging her down.  I agree, it can totally shit out your day.  I suggest she add some positive things to her feed - puppy and kitty adoption success stories, gardening pages with pretty flowers, art sites.  And I advised that she limit her Twitter.  No matter how hard I try, it's almost impossible to find enough positive things on there to balance all the negative.  Bleh.  And yes, find more things to do in the real world.  Spring's a comin', folks.  Take some time to see the burgeoning beauty of it.  And listen to the birds out there singing their love songs.  We have turkeys gobbling theirs this morning.  It's not a pretty song, but it's a love song nonetheless. 

Ah, finding the positive.  It's hard to do when you feel like doodle.  But there's a cardinal singing right there.  I love cardinals.  Did you know they don't have cardinals out west?  I didn't hear a single cardinal the whole time I lived in Utah or Colorado, which made me sad.  I couldn't wait to watch the Masters golf tournament because there were always cardinals in the background.  Now that we're here in MO, we have cardinals again.  Yay! 

And roadrunners, which kind of sound like a sad puppy when they sing their love song. 

Okay, I am feeling better now than when I woke up, so this thing is passing.  I hope.  And I should get going with my day.  I spent 5 hours yesterday on spreadsheet work.  Today should be about the same.  Luckily, spreadsheet stuff can be done sitting right here with minimal activity.  Just my speed right about now.

Have an awesome day, folks, and find something positive out there in the world.  K?

Sunday Update - Week Whatever

Weary.  That's the word for it. 

Sorry I'm late with the Update, but it's been a day and it's only 8am.  I even slept in - according to the time change.  I got up at 7:15... then I changed the clocks, so it was only 6:15 - which kind of crapped out my morning win. 

I'm having a tough time focusing on the positives today, can ya tell?  So, here's the Negative Nelly version of Sunday Update...

I didn't finish my read-through of Fertile Ground.  I'm 50% thru and it's a hot mess.  This sucker is going to take sooo much work to make it publishable that I'll probably wimp out and leave this until the May launch.  Good thing In Deep Wish doesn't need as much work, so I'll have something to put out in March. Whether anyone will want to buy it?  :shrug:

I did a sale for Wish in One Hand.  :crickets:  October blew chunks for sales.

I got my edits yesterday afternoon.  I read the edit letter, gnashed my teeth, and set it all aside.  Definitely not in the brain space to deal. 

Max has taken a nosedive.  Oh, he's been in good spirits.  Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.  Playing with his toys.  Purring.  But he won't eat.  Each day since last Monday has been worse then the one before. And every day he doesn't eat well means he gets less perky and playful. I assume that the antibiotics are making everything taste gross.  (That happened with my Mom earlier this year.)  Nothing I offer him goads him to eat.  Until this morning when I pulled the last trick out of my bag and offered him canned roast beef.  He gobbled that up.  Let's see if it's still appetizing this afternoon.  And yes, I know that stuff is full of things that aren't necessarily good for cats to eat but when you're staring down the barrel of the choice between euthanasia and giving him food that might be bad for him, you choose the food.  I'd fix him canned sardines and ice cream if I thought he'd eat it.

And that's why I'm not in the brain space to deal with edits.  Or re-reads.  Or housework.  Or reading other people's books.  Or being Positive Polly.  My brain space is full.  And I am weary.

No worries.  This too shall pass.  And I will get my second wind.  Today, though, ain't looking good.  I think I need to go into the forest and chop wood.

What's the update from your space?

Neurotic? Who Me?

Just because I'm sitting on a pendulum, swinging between "Oh my god, this is going to be so awesome!" and "Oh holy shit, this is going to suck so bad!" doesn't mean I'm neurotic.

Just because I want to tell the world about my book that's coming out, but I'm afraid no one will want to listen...

Just because I'm afraid to go to the local bookstore for the first time because I think THEY'LL think I'm only visiting there now because I have a book coming out soon...

Just because I wished a forgotten friend a happy birthday on FB after not really saying anything to her for god knows how long...

Just because I sat listening to my husband read Dying Embers (to himself, no less) for the first time, waiting for any slight sound that would tell me whether he still respected me after reading my words...

None of that makes me neurotic. Or maybe it does.

Or maybe it just makes me a writer getting ready to send the first self-published book into the world.

And hey, just because I'm suddenly afraid you're all sick of hearing about my first self-publishing adventures, doesn't make me neurotic.  Much.

Edited to Add:  Oh hey, I keep forgetting.  I have a writer PAGE on Facebook now.  Go like it and the first 50 likers will be entered into a contest for a $25 gift card.   The final cover with the tagline is also up over there with the cover copy!

Movies I Wish I'd Never Watched

I wish when I was younger someone had told me to be cautious about what I put up in my head, because it'll be there forever.  In honor of that, here's a list of movies I wish I'd never watched.

Sybil - I stumbled into the TV room in my dorm one weekday afternoon to find a bunch of the gals watching this.  It had just started, so I sat down.  Watched the whole damn thing.  I couldn't look away.  And I've been totally squeebed out about it for 20+ years.

Hellraiser & Hellraiser 2 - I did not do this to myself - other than remaining in front of the movie after the guy I was with convinced me to start watching it.  Okay, so I knew going into the sequel how much it would freak me out.  But all my friends were watching it.  Peer pressure is an evil thing.


Leaving Las Vegas - I didn't know going in that this sucker would be so damn depressing and fill me with a hopelessness it took weeks to get over.

Pay it Forward - This one was a total sucker punch.  I honestly thought it was going to be a feel-good movie.  And it was, right up until the end.  Bastards didn't have to kill the little boy - unless they were trying to make the point that life is senseless and no matter how hard you try, you're still going to be murdered.  I should've known better, though.  I hate Kevin Spacey in just about everything except Outbreak, and he dies horribly in that one.

The Fly - I blame my siblings for this.  To this day, I still can't hear someone whisper 'Help me' in a high-pitched, squeaky voice without having a little panic attack.

Ferngully - Way to take innocent minds and warp them into thinking mankind and machinery are inherently bad.  Took me years to convince my daughter that bulldozers weren't evil.

I'm Gonna Get You Sucka - because I will never get those two hours of my life back.

And yes, I guess I was a little crabby this morning.  Since venting this negativity out, though, I'm much better. 

What movies have you watched that you wish you hadn't?

*ETA:

Event Horizon - I'd repressed this one until it was mentioned in the comments here.  Ugh.  Now I have to go back to repressing it again, so I can scrub that skinless guy out of my head for another 20 years.

Oh, and I just remembered another one... SE7EN.  OMG, what a horrible movie.  Still gives me nightmares.   And I just realized, Spacey's in this one, too.  Figures.