What does this have to do with the price of beans in chili? Well, last week I said I was taking time off to think. And thinking I did do. Much thinking and many thoughts.
You see, I was at a place where I had to decide if I was going to keep writing.
Backing the truck up for a moment... I've been doing this for going on 10 years. I started what would become my first finished book near the end of January 2004. I finished that book in the fall and began
So there I sat at the crevasse of wondering what in the hell I was doing this for if all I ever get is rejections. I've got over a dozen books in various stages of completion - over half of which have gone through the submission process. (I'm not hardy enough to go back and get the exact numbers this morning.)
"Insanity is doing the same things the same way and expecting different results." - Unknown
That quote has been running through my head lately. I thought I was doing things differently. I mean, I've tried every genre I can. I've tried all different types of queries. But whether I was actually doing things differently? :shrug: I don't know. There are other things I could've done - some things I'm not quite sure I'm willing to do, other things I'm not quite sure I have the funds to do, certain things I'm not sure I have the drive to do.
So here I sit. The crevasse is still there. I'm still not sure exactly why the hell I'm doing any of this. But I have decided I will continue to do this.
"Why do you keep hitting yourself in the head with a rock?" "Because when I stop, it feels sooo good." - paraphrased from Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)
Or rather, it's like shooting yourself in the forehead with a bee-bee gun. It's not productive, but after a while, you get used to the pain.
I don't know what 2014 will bring - insanity, hard work and success, or a constant barrage of bee-bees. For now, though, I'm still here and I'm still writing. I guess that's a good thing. Time will tell.
As for the blogs? I will continue to post here and at Killer Chicks on a regular basis. The Guide will be posted to when and if there's something pertinent to put there rather than here. A Pound of B.S. will probably sit there, marking a space for when and if I ever get published.
I loved the picture you shared on Facebook (which I then went and shared myself).ReplyDelete
I don't think you should give up on writing, but I'm not going to sit here and argue with you about it either. There's no use in me or anyone else forcing you or guilting you into continuing on. You need to write because you want to, not because you have to.
But I am going to say this: You're retired. You're not doing this for the potential income (although that would be lovely, I know). You *can* write simply because you want to, without the worry or fear of money. It's not a waste of time you could spend at a job, or on raising your kids. Your child is grown and trying out the world for herself. Your husband is retired, and you have a lovely home. You need/want to work on it, of course, but there's time enough in your life for both the house and writing. You just need to decide if you want to continue putting word to paper.
It's difficult. Everyone reading this blog knows that. We've felt it. We've cried, screamed, and railed against it. You've been at it for ten years, but I can't imagine giving something up that I've dedicated a decade of my life to. You did it because you wanted to, and that sort of ambition doesn't just go away. It may be silenced over the rejections, the heartbreak, and even the frustration, but it's still there. You just need to decide whether you silence it forever or if you accept that it's a part of you and move on.
This seems to be a year for echoing those sentiments. I decided to take a sabbatical from writing, not for lack of success but because there is too much else for me to do. I'm still staying on all my writer communities because they interest me, but I won't be promoting my work or writing new stuff--other than finishing a final novel that's nearly complete. But even that I'll put away for two years when I'll address my goals again.ReplyDelete
Give yourself a vacation from thinking about it. The answer may hit you when you least expect it.
I was just getting ready to e-mail you, knowing that you had a self-imposed deadline for your 'thinking' thoughts! Then I see this! I'm so glad you're continuing to write, B.E. - as we talked about in earlier e-mails, you have talent, but the heartache (not to mention self-inflicted bee-bees) can be overwhelming. I look forward to continuing to follow your journey!!ReplyDelete
FWIW - Natalie's comment is brilliant, as is Maria's suggestion to letting it brew on its own!!
Why thank you, Janet ;) <3Delete
Yeah, ditto. What you said and what Natalie, Maria, and Janet said. You know my story. I dabbled for over 20 years before I got the first call. And I keep doing it because I don't know any other way. I'm stubborn like that. I also know I'd be bat-shit crazypants nuts if I didn't write. Been there, did that, got the tee shirt. It didn't fit well. At all.ReplyDelete
I'm glad you're going to write. I want to read what you put down on paper. And FYI? Write the story. Forget about genres. Simply tell the story that's in your mind. Tell it with heart, soul, and craft. Believe in the story, and in your ability to tell it. That's what eventually turns a rejection into acceptance. ::hugs:: my friend. And happy 2014.