Sunday, March 4, 2012

My Inner Voice Drownded

Yeah.  I've been kinda quiet recently.  I'm not sure if it's my usual case of mid-winter blues, or post-manuscript malaise, or what.  Could be I've spent the past few weeks figuratively curled up in a ball licking at my imagined wounds.  All I know is I haven't been writing.  So much for No Excuses and Sustained Effort, eh?

And it all came about - at least from what I can trace - because of an offhand comment someone made to me. (No, it wasn't you.  And it wasn't you, either.  In fact, it wasn't anyone who stops here.)  It wasn't even anything major, and thinking about it over the past couple weeks, it wasn't meant to be mean or even to be critical of me or my process.  I just took it harder than I probably should've.  (Again, probably because of the mid-winter blues thing combined with the post-manuscript malaise disorder.)  Why?  Because when she said it, she touched on something I've been wondering about myself anyway.

No, not gonna tell you what she said because then a couple people who stop by will know exactly who I'm talking about and what she said, and this might get back to her.  I seriously don't want her feeling bad about this at all.  It's not her, it's me.

Anyway, that's the reason for the change of quote up there.  Courtesy of my friend, Janet - who posted the Steve Jobs quote in its entirety right here.  It's all worth reading, but my brain grabbed onto what, for me, was the salient point: Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. 

Which is, of course, exactly what I've been doing.  It's a bad habit that dates back to childhood, but I'm working on it.

So until I can drive those other opinions out of my head, I'm taking a break from writing.  Yeah yeah, I know I invite people to give me their opinions every time I post on this blog.  That's not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about the opinions I have allowed inside my head that are waltzing around making trouble at the moment. 

And in this, too, it's not you, it's me.  Totally me.  So comment away.

Forgive me if I don't post as often or if the posts aren't nearly as wise and poignant as they could be.  Everything will be fine now that I've realized the problem.

(* As for the title of this post, when I was about 4, I think, my family went swimming in a local lake.  At one point, I slipped under the water for a moment.  No harm done, but I ran out of the lake screaming 'I drownded, Mommy!'  So, yeah, the phrase might be wrong, but it fits. :wink: )


  1. Sending you (((hugs)))!

    As for being wise and poignant - this post is, my friend! We all suffer from our self-doubts, which are fed and nutured from off-handed comments or perceived injustices. For you to bare it all here, give voice to that which festers amongst us, shows bravery and fortitude - so, thank you :)

  2. I'm sorry you're having a tough time hun! It's always okay to stop and take time for yourself when you need it. *hugs*

  3. Hugs...take the time you need and listen to that inner voice.

  4. Here's hoping that your doubts stay drownded. Give that inner voice a life preserver, because it's fantastic and precious.

  5. I so have the same problem. Love the new quote. Great words to live by.