Tuesday, September 9, 2014


I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.  I ran that red light.  I fell off my bike three times in one summer.  I dated... too many wrong men to count. 

You know, they say if you don't learn from your mistakes you're doomed to repeat them.  And I think I am the poster child for that statement.  Didn't learn from the red light that almost killed me, ran another one and not only totalled my car, but got sued.  I wore the wrong shoes while riding my bike the first time... and the second time.  The third time, I was carrying a tote bag in the handle bars and when the bag got caught in the spokes... Well, I only did the one once, but it was in the same summer, so I'm counting it.  As for the men, the fact that I can't count them should account for the fact that it took me a really long time to learn from those mistakes.  (Hubs proves that I do eventually learn, but that was after 17 years worth of heartache, etc.)

Anyway, now I'm stuck in a rut where I rehash everything.  What could I have done differently to avoid making the same mistake in the future?  Well, I don't ride bikes anymore.  I am super viligent on the roads - especially at traffic signals.  And like I said, I fixed the dating mistakes by finding the right one and hanging onto him.

But I still wonder about past mistakes.  I know there's nothing I can do about them.  You can't change the past.  Maybe I'm hoping to change the future.  Maybe I'm looking for places where I've done something I can still rectify.  Perhaps I'm still looking for a way to fix the unfixable. 

Most days I'm pretty good about staying in the now and looking toward the future.  Some days I get stuck in a loop where I'm still rehashing a phone conversation I had years ago wondering where I went wrong, or I revisit a fight with someone I don't even know anymore to figure out what I could've said to end the fight on a different note, or I remember some parenting thing I did that finally years later I realize was probably the wrong way to have handled it.  (And then I apologize to the Kid who doesn't even remember what I did and who rightfully thinks I've slipped a gear.) 

:shrug:  It's a thing.  But I like to think I'm getting better. 

Although, next week, I'll probably be laying in bed wondering if this post was a mistake and whether I could've written it differently.  ;o)

(Don't even get me started on the nights I lay awake wondering if I started a story in the right place, ended it in the wrong place, or totally screwed up the plot.)


  1. I'm a slow learner too (and then I beat myself up about THAT too).

    Just remember that EVENTUALLY do you figure it out.


    1. Oh yeah, sooner or later, I do figure out how to not make the same mistake over and over. LOL

      Hey, maybe beating ourselves up is a function of being a writer. We all need therapy, but I'm afraid that after we got our neuroses fixed, we wouldn't write as well. ;o)

  2. I hate those endless loops. And I've yet to figure out an easy way to jam a stick in those spinning spokes thereby crashing the whole process. I can make it fade to the recesses by focusing on what's in front of me. WIP. Chores. Family. Friends. Reading. Reading is really good at drowning out the white noise. That's what I do when it gets too loud. We'll talk about what the In Death series did for me sometime. *nods* Just keep on keepin' on, m'friend. And know you aren't alone. *hugs*

    1. Hubs told me today not to worry about stuff. My answer: "But if I don't worry, what else am I supposed to do?" ;o) Not that I wouldn't love to crash the process, but I'd be a little lost at first. Ugh, I don't have time to read. I'll read next week.

      Keepin' on here. And I know I'm not alone. Thank you. You're not alone either. :hugs: