Monday, March 15, 2010

Letting Go of the Guilt

I polished 7 chapters this weekend.  I could've done more.  I could've pushed past my squinky eyes and at least tweaked a couple more.  I didn't.  I read and watched TV instead. 

I should've spent some time attacking those dust bunnies collecting around the hard wood floors.  They're really beginning to pile up and I'm sure they're plotting my demise.  Not that I blame them.  I should've wiped them out days ago.

That ice cream sundae last night was amazing, but all those calories and all that fat... :shudder:

Guilt's almost as big a killer as self-doubt.  Sure, I could've kept editing long after my brain was drained.  Except every time I do that, I miss tons of stuff and end up redoing the process until I can't stand looking at the same chapter again.  (Yesterday I hated Chapter Seven - because I've read it too many times in one week.  Ugh.)

Taking a break isn't fatal - it's necessary to my process.  As long as I don't overdo my breaktime, and I do get back to writing, it's perfectly acceptable. 

Guilt can also make you give up.  It can lead to 'hey, I fucked up already, so why bother' type of thinking.  It can make one innocent ice cream sundae the first of many treats and the beginning of an additional five pounds.  Or it can turn one day off into weeks without writing.  (Been there, done that.)

One sundae does not a failure make.  (Look at me, going all Yoda on you.)  As long as it's only one sundae every once in a while, and you pick up the calorie slack somewhere else, that is.  As long as it's only an occasional day off and you get your words out on another day, you're fine.

The point is, I really have nothing to feel guilty about, but I still feel guilty.  I need to let that go.  It's not a helpful emotion.  It's not spurring me to greater heights or smaller widths, as the case may be.  It's just gumming up the works.  All I can do is the best I can do. 

Can I do better?  Sometimes, yes.  Those are the days I can kick my own butt into gear. 

Are you feeling guilty?  Do you let it drown you or can you rise above?  This morning it's getting a little deep, but once I get off my buns, I'm sure the flood will subside.  How are things in your little corner of the world?

1 comment:

  1. I feel guilty all the time. Im only just now learning to let it go and relax. I just feel bad when I dont write during the week (and sometimes on the weekend. I just get too tired, lol.