Irrationality and Powerlessness and Finally Relief

First off, let me say that I love that quote by L. Sprague deCamp: "There is no mistaking the dismay on the face of a writer who has just heard that his brain child is a deformed idiot."  Been there, done that, nailed it shut and got the t-shirt. And somehow it's nice to know I'm not alone* - especially when even a writer of deCamp's caliber has felt that way, too.

Yesterday I did get out of my bleh attitude.  I even sat down to write some new words - hoping they would jumpstart my muse.  They didn't.  All they did was make me feel like everything I write (or have ever written) is total crap.  Rationally I know my writing is not crap.  Irrationally?  Well, that's why they call it irrational... because it equals NOT rational.

Every once in a while - like maybe twice a year since I started this - I go through a phase where my self-confidence takes a nosedive.  I start questioning every word choice, every plot point, every nuance of every sentence... until I don't feel like I can write another syllable.  Or that I should.

Recently I heard that the electric department would be starting a big project soon and that although it's slim, there's a possibility of losing power briefly during the project.  So, using my massive influence and pull**, I asked if someone could give me a heads-up so I don't lose any work.  The answer was No.  I said 'at least let me know which day you'll be working so I can take the day off writing'.  The answer this time:  May through September.

Would you believe that, for a moment, I considered shutting down for that length of time?  I even joked about it with the Hubster, but somewhere in the back of my head, I wasn't entirely joking.  Not that I'd ever rationally consider any such thing, but like I said, that's why they call it irrational.

So anyway, I guess the point of this post is that I'm in a different kind of stall, but I think I see my way out of it.  This looks like a job for... TOTAL REWRITE!  I'm trying to stave off starting that until I'm in my rational mind again, but this may be the only rational thing to do.  I'll let you all know what I decide.

If nothing else, having stumbled across the idea that I may have to rewrite DLN almost entirely, I'm feeling much more relaxed about the whole thing.  Like I've been fighting the idea for long enough now that I'm relieved to finally have it out in the open.  :shrug:

* And that's the partial point of this type of post - to let other writers know that THEY are not alone either.
** Which is to say NONE.