This morning, I'm facing facts...
I will never be rich and famous.
I will never be a best-selling author.
I will never be comfortably well-off
I will never make enough money to support myself.
I will never even make enough to pay for the expenses of being a self-published author.
When I started out on this publishing journey, I didn't think I would ever be rich or famous, or even a best-selling author. I would've liked to make enough to be comfortably well off. I had hoped to make enough money to support myself. I had a goal to just make enough for the writing to pay for itself. But I'm doubting even that these days.
Then I was reduced to just getting happy when someone bought a book. Today, not even that gives me a thrill. If I sell two books in one day, maybe I get excited. Depends on the day.
I used to write for the sake of writing. Just sit down and let the ideas flow. That was a long time ago. I finished a book and then got the idea that it should be published. Unfortunately, I was the only one who thought that. (Other than Hubs. He's always been supportive.) Agents and publishers didn't think that. So I made the decision to published my books my own damn self. I spent a lot of money on covers and editing and marketing. I sold some books, but still not enough to catch up to any of my hopes and goals.
It's been a struggle ever since. Just me jumping hurdle after hurdle in a race I can't win because there's never a finish line. :shrug:
I'll keep writing. I'm not in that place yet. Okay, so I am in a place where I haven't been writing, but I've been here before, so I don't expect it to last forever. I'm just trying to be realistic with myself. I write, I publish, I market... and sales drip in. Occasionally, one of the people who bought a book leave a review to let me know they liked it. (Or hated it as the case may be.) Once a month, I get money deposited into my bank account. Sometimes it's enough to buy a cup of coffee. Sometimes it's almost enough to buy a steak. (What with the price of beef these days, I can't quite get enough for the whole steak.)
It is what it is, I guess.
It is what it is and I totally get the headspace. I'm there. I'll never be any of those things either, even though I had aspirations. I was also a realist. That said, I did find some success and for awhile, I could pay some bills, buy some groceries, take some vacations. I could write 4-6 books a year. Which, I think, is one of the keys to some sort of success.
ReplyDeleteNow, like you, I struggle. I have so many stories to tell, series to complete. I know the same 20 people will buy my book but that won't even pay for the copyright. Discouragement murders creativity and iniative.
I'm tired. I'm old. Part of me wants to say, "to hell with it all." And then that niggle in the back of mind says, "So what if you only sold 1 book and made 35 cents. You touched someone's world with your own. So yeah, I'll keep doing it. Probably not as fast as I once was, but I'll settle for being the tortoise in this race. At least I'll finish.
Hang in there. I'm here, sis. We got this.