Relinquishing Control

Okay, I'm a closet control freak.  (Don't laugh.  Fine.  Maybe it's not so closeted after all.)  I manage to keep it under wraps for the most part, but often, I'm squirming on the inside.  

For instance, yesterday, someone gave us four big zucchinis.  I took the peels off and the guts out.  And put them all in baggies for later shredding.  Twelve big hunks in three bags, by the way.  Not long after, Hubs then took it upon himself to do the shredding for me, because he knows I won't feel like doing it after work this week.  It was an extremely nice and considerate thing for him to do.  But while he was shredding I was sitting in the office, trying to stay the hell out of his way, and squirming.  

All the things I used to do around the house, Hubs is doing now.  He's doing a most excellent job.  But he's not doing it my way.  And I am NOT saying a damn thing about any of it.  

You see, before I met Hubs, I spent too many years with more than one control freak.  Men who would openly criticize damn near everything I did.  I didn't clean right.  I didn't do the dishes right.  I didn't say the right things in company.  I didn't dress right.  You name it.  Hell, I wasn't even brushing my teeth right.  Umm, yeah.  I don't ever want to do that to Hubs.  If he's kind enough to wash the dishes, I am not going to be the shit who tells him he's doing it wrong.  He's not wrong.  His way is different.  The dishes are still clean.  Berating him would be a shit thing to do.  Also super hypocritical, seeing as how I hate it when it was done to me.  

I probably did it to Owl.  For that, I am deeply sorry.  I tried not to.  Often, I just did things myself so I wouldn't feel the urge to get after her for not doing things my way.  It probably wasn't right, but I did the best I could.  I could've yelled instead.  At the time, those were my only choices.  I didn't have the fortitude to let her get things done in her own way and keep my mouth closed.  And I didn't have the time to go behind her fixing things when she wasn't looking so I wouldn't harsh her attempts.  Unfortunately, I think this also teaches a child that if they do something wrong the first time, they never have to do it again because Mom will just take over.  :shrug:  Momming isn't easy.

With age comes wisdom.  Haranguing Hubs for not doing things my way isn't the answer.  It doesn't actually help.  Instead, I just say 'thank you' and go about my day.  Hell, in the past when he's done the dishes, I've gone back and rearranged the dishwasher to suit myself.  Now?  Who has time for that?  Thank you, Hubs, and move along.  I'm just glad the dishes are done.

We did have a little bit of a laugh yesterday.  Former Domestic Manager forgot to leave instructions behind for her replacement, so Current Domestic Manager couldn't figure out something I know without thinking about.  I showed him.  He knows now.  It's all good.  And like he left instructions for the man who replaced him in his job 9 years ago, I should've thought to leave instructions for him.  I know now, too.  And like I said, we laughed about it instead of getting all up in each others' faces about it.

It's all about relinquishing control, which is pretty hard for me, but I'm getting there.