I'm not writing. I haven't been writing. And every time I think about writing, it sets off a wave of mini panic attacks which then makes me go find something else to do. (Although lately, I've been skipping the panic attacks and just finding other things to do.)
Yesterday, I swept all the hard floors in the house and part of the garage. Then I read. Then I volunteered to drive up to town to buy paint so my husband could finish painting the deck. I got paint, another bag of dirt*, weather stripping for the deck door, and nails.
Remember my last post where I talked about being a reading machine. This. This is why I've been a reading machine. Other people's stories interest me more than my own do. And hey, I don't have to worry whether those stories will get published or whether people will hate them or whether they'll debut to the sound of crickets.
Today I'm planning on redoing the rose bed. (*this is where the newest bag of dirt will go.) I have three rosebushes in the bed beside the porch and whoever planted them had no sense of space and arrangement. They're planted kinda like this |__._'_-| Looks like crap and it's driving me nuts.
I suspect it's driving me nuts because I'm not writing and my brain is looking for excuses. Otherwise, the flower bed is really not all that tragic. And the floors don't really need to be washed (even though my brain is telling me otherwise**). The door really does need weather stripping, but not today when it's supposed to be lovely. The iris bed doesn't need to be weeded - those weeds aren't going anywhere. I didn't need to buy that many crocus bulbs... but now that I have them, they do need to be planted - in the redesigned rosebed, of course.
**you know it's bad when I'm giving myself household chores to do.
I know I'm doing all this to distract myself. I hate that I'm not writing. I hate that just thinking about writing makes me want to do something like washing the hard floors and dusting the cobwebs out of the garage. So yeah, I'm distracting myself from myself. Bleh.
What's distracting you today?
Lack of sleep, mostly. And an electrician coming after lunch to do some rewiring and add an outside light. So I need to shower and dress and clean house--at least sweep and vacuum doghair. I have the story going round in my head but haven't found the starting point for it. I'll get my "wiki" set up at some point so maybe I can start tomorrow. Or Saturday because the Cards play tomorrow but then the OU Sooners play Texas on Saturday. And that's a must see even if you bleed OSU orange & black like we do in this house. They don't call OU-Texas the Red River Rivalry (or Shootout) for nuhtin'! ;)
ReplyDeleteDo your chores today so you have no excuses tomorrow. Then get up tomorrow morning, face those fears and start writing. Something. Anything. Try fan fiction. Don't laugh. I wrote a Eve Dallas novella once. No one will ever see it but me and it was pretty damn good, btw! But it broke through the wall because I KNEW no one would ever read it but me. And I wasn't using my voice. I was trying to imitate LaNora writing as JD. Try it. Pick a favorite author. Pick your favorite characters and worlds of that author. And write a story. For fun. JUST FOR FUN! Okay?
It's really bad when household chores look good. I've been reading too much, too, but household chores? Not to that point yet, ;-)
ReplyDeleteI hope gardening gets your muse back on track!
The day job is distracting me today... LOL. That's pretty much every day. On my lunch break now.
ReplyDeleteI go through stages when I just need a break from writing. Early this spring when I got really frustrated with queries and editing I just let myself be a normal person and watch TV and make brownies and blitz on Pinterest for like a month. Your muse will wander back around when it's time :)
Have you tried to write for just a very short time? Like 5 minutes today...maybe six tomorrow?
ReplyDeleteI know EXACTLY where you're coming from, B.E. AND where you are right now! Reading this was like re-reading some of my journal entries/blog posts from a couple of years ago. And to offer advice - well, you have some awesome advice here already - would be ironic, because I've been given that advice and I just can't make it happen.
ReplyDeleteSo, I offer you this - What would you do if you knew you could not fail/ If you think of the perfect day, do you see yourself writing? Both of those questions got my butt back in the chair for NaNo last year - and got my mind thinking again in a writerly way.
Good luck!!