As I was laying on the couch tonight after dinner, after cleaning Daughter's plugged drain, after taking care of injured cat*, I scooped another mouthful of ice cream and thought "Screw the diet, I deserve this."
Later, I caught a glimpse of my naked self as I was climbing into the shower and thought "I don't deserve to look like this." And I was right. The ice cream was incredible, but as much as I loved the instant gratification of Cookies n Cream, I sure as hell don't love the lump I've turned into.
I deserve better than laying on the couch eating ice cream.
I deserve better than breathing like a freight train because I climbed a flight of stairs.
I deserve more than dreaming about the body I used to have.
And I definitely deserve more than letting my stories go unwritten while I gather dust in front of the boob tube.
But I'll never get any of the things I know I deserve if I don't work toward them. I need to get off my lazy ass and exercise both my muscles and my brain. Atrophied muscles and an atrophied mind are no way to go through life, son.
I can't promise this feeling will last. Lord knows, I've kicked myself in the butt many times before only to wind up right back on that couch watching another rerun of Frasier or Friends or Grey's Anatomy. For now, though, it's here and I'd better damn well make use of it**.
Because I deserve better.
What do you deserve?
*Max showed up with a mysterious shoulder injury a couple days ago and has been recuperating in style - complete with fresh roasted chicken chunks and plenty of babying. He should be back to chasing the neighborhood toms tomorrow or the next day.
**And when I got out of the shower, I hand wrote another page of the fantasy. It ain't much but I'm still finding my way with this.
Awe, dollface, been there. Just had the come to Jesus meeting with my body about a month ago and got to work! After 4 weeks of dieting/exercise I can finally see a difference and lemme tell you, 30min of exercise a morning and eating better (diet is gone...that didn't last) really pays off, makes me feel much better and happier, and the mirror me doesn't make me want to dry anymore. Will keep working, but I truly encourage you to make some steps to please yourself! (netflix workout videos are a God send! No excuses not to work out when they are ready to watch in your own house and WORK!) Good luck on both writing and working out!! Both things totally worth it!!!
ReplyDeleteHope the poor lil kitty is doing better soon!!!
This is where I was back in January, B.E. - and I still catch myself slipping into the old routine (routines are very hard to break). I love your "I Deserve Better" and may have to use that as a mantra (stay tuned - I'm doing Inspiration Wednesday on mantras I've picked up off the TV weight loss shows.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on getting going - remember the 5 minute rule (it really does help). And good luck with the writing - need to go back, must have missed a post about you writing a fantasy.
Give Max a scratch for me :)
And thanks, Colene - we have Netflix and I had no idea there were exercise videos on there. I need to check it out for those days when I can't get out to run.
Been there. Am there most days.
ReplyDeleteI've never used the "I deserve better" mindset. Think I'll give it a try.
Sending you a virtual and calorie-free hug....because you deserve it!
Yes, yes, and yes. You totally deserve better. You deserve to treat your body like it's a temple, because you're that special.
ReplyDeleteI'll say it again:
You ARE that special.
I'm happy for you! Some people never come to that realization. Ever since I had Alex, I thought, 'I'm not comfortable in my skin anymore.' As soon as I could, I started jogging. Before I knew it, I was hooked again. Then the marathon came, and I trained for that. I wasn't even trying to lose weight, just trying to be a better runner. That's how I lost the additional baby weight (all 55 pounds of it).
ReplyDeleteMy first goal was to just jog. It started out very small. Small, easy goals are a good way to start, whatever you plan on doing. Good luck!