Enabler!

I'd really like to be able to provide you with daily content on this blog, but I'm only a super-distracted meat puppet these days.  I really need to find a way to focus.  It's probably ADHD, but I've always been like this - more so after the brain damage, but not that much more.  Anyway, I didn't slap a label on it before, so why bother with one now?

A lot of times, I know exactly what I should be doing, but I just don't want to do it.  I can actually hear myself debating the issue in my head.  I used to let a lot of things slide.  When I dropped something on the floor, I'd let it lay there.  I'd take off my clothes and leave them on the floor.  I'd walk past a sink full of dishes.  Moving past any of that only took a concerted effort on my part to change my behavior.  This isn't any different.  

I need to give myself a good talking to.  Oh, and the voice in my head is not quiet or kind.  It's more like 'Get up off your ass, you lazy bitch.'  Yeah, yeah, they say you're supposed to be kind to yourself.  Kindness doesn't motivate me.  I've gotta be a drill sergeant to myself if I want to see any improvement.  Otherwise, I turn into my own enabler.  

Which is probably where I'm at right now - being my own enabler.  'I'm too tired.'  'I'm too sore.'  'I'm distracted.' 'I'm depressed.'  Wah.  Get over it.  Get over ALL of it.  Edit the damn book.  Write the next book.  Get up off your ass and go for a damn walk before you turn into some sick lovechild of The Blob and Jabba the Hutt, you big baby.  

Eh, your mileage may vary, but this is the way I have to do this.  I have to get tough with me.  Slap myself around a little.  Scream in my own face.  No excuses, just results.  

Until tomorrow when I'll most likely have to remind myself AGAIN.  :shrug:  

Gah!

:points finger at my reflection:  ENABLER!