Just Pondering

Over on Outside the Box, I made some negative statements about myself this morning and it got me to thinking.

Years... ahem, decades ago I heard something about 'negative self-talk and how we all needed to do away with it.  I think it was Leo Buscaglia.  He was big back then.  Anyway, it sort of made sense.  I mean, the one person you should count on to not say negative things to you and about you is yourself.  Right?

Lately, though, I've been wondering.  Some of my biggest accomplishments have occurred after I got downright nasty with myself.  Drill sergeant screaming in my ear nasty.  "Okay, Meissner*, you big, diaper-baby, are you going to sit in that wheelchair and whine, or are you going to walk again?" "Oh, boo-hoo, you sissy. No agent will represent you?  Well, wah.  Get off your dead ass and publish the books yourself."  "Books aren't selling?  Well, you turd, you haven't done anything to make that happen, now have you?" "Feeling fat?  Put down the damn bowl of ice cream and go for a fucking walk, ya loser."  That sort of thing.

Yeah, I could be nicer about it, but nicer doesn't work for me.  (Of course, if anyone but me talked to me like that, I'd kick 'em in the jewels.)  I can be nicer to myself after I get shit done.

If all you ever hear is that you're awesome, how do you know when you're not?  Maybe we need a little 'you suck' every once in a while to kick ourselves in the ass.  :shrug:

I don't mean in a 'ruin your self esteem' way.  Pointing out the negatives here and there shouldn't overwhelm the positives.  It isn't all gloom and doom.  I'm a good person.  I get stuff done.  I like me.

But it isn't all rainbows and lollipops either.  As I said on OTB, I'm weak and fainthearted sometimes.  If I don't point out the flaw, I won't fix it.  Shine a big ol' light on it so it can't hide, and then kick its lily-white ass.

So, yeah, you should be kind to yourself, but you should also kick your own ass when it needs it.  

Just pondering.

*When I yell at myself, I use my maiden name.