Riffing off Silver James once again (that woman says so many things that make me think... damn her). This morning she had a post about fear, which prompted this comment from me...
I don’t know if I’d exactly call it fear of rejection that keeps me from
querying at this point. It’s more like fear of the same ol’ crap.
Send the query out, get rejected, revise the query, send it out, more
rejection, revise the book, revise the query, sent it out… and so on so
on so forth until I say ‘screw this’ and work on another book. Except
I’ve gotten to the point of wondering ‘why write another book that’s
going to just dance the same dance’. Ya know what I mean, jellybean?
It’s like a sick writerly version of Groundhog Day. :endrant:
I don't know exactly what set me off, but there it is.
Lemme tell ya a short story to help shed some light on the subject...
We have a boatload of turkeys hanging out nearby. Sometimes they come in huge rafters (what a group of turkeys is called) and sometimes just a few at a time. But there's always this one hen who comes by herself. We've been calling her the Lone Turkey.
And then I saw a FAQ on some wildlife website that actually referenced the Lone Turkey. Seems every once in a while a hen separates from the rafter - and not just to sit her nest. This can happen for one of two reasons: 1) either she's a young hen who's been driven out by the older birds OR 2) she's an older turkey who leaves for her own reasons. I think our Lone Turkey (LT) is the latter. And I think her reasons are she's just sick and tired of the flock. She's got plenty of food, she's fully capable of defending herself, and if defending isn't a good idea, she can fly or run away.
I think LT is tired of the same ol' day in day out, peck here, peck there, follow the flock and be duly impressed by the gobbling of Hans and Franz - so she quit the flock and now she does her own thing. LT is her own hen.
Or to wrap this all together, she's pretty much said 'why bother with all this rafter crap when it's not getting me anywhere'.
Okay, so not a great analogy... but the turkey story amuses me. Needless to say, this bears some deep thinking. Am I not querying or writing because I'm sick of it all, or am I not working because I'm afraid (and bone-tired of rejection) and using the whole 'sick of the BS' thing as an excuse? Only time and thought will tell.