Howdy Folks! I'm here today with a special, limited-time offer. Today only you can learn the secret to shedding those unwanted extra pounds (and a few of the wanted, necessary ones) quickly and easily. All you have to do is...
TYPE YOURSELF THIN!
That's right, folks. It's as simple as sitting your butt down in a comfortable desk chair, placing those wiggly digits on the keyboard and typing. In no time at all, you'll be burning those calories and dropping dress sizes*!
Why just yesterday I typed over fifty-six HUNDRED words and I can already tell the difference. My sweat pants are looser** and my ratty old t-shirt looks like a million bucks.
As an added bonus to all those calories you're burning when you type, you'll reach a point where you no longer reach for those fattening treats***. You'll just feel full and satisfied with the words you've created.
So, start today and TYPE YOURSELF THIN!
What have you got to lose (besides your sanity)?
Disclaimer: This pretend advertisement is in no way meant to imply that you will actually lose any significant amount of weight while typing. Consult with a physician before starting or stopping any typing routine. Your mileage may vary. Offer not valid outside the U.S. Offer also not valid inside the U.S.
* or at least dropping the idea of wearing dresses altogether.
** probably because I didn't eat much yesterday since I was too busy typing
***because you can no longer lift your arms.