Think Good Thoughts

Defects

Long ago, when I was a teenager, I read The World According to Garp by John Irving.  I don't know if any of you have read it (read it, not watched the movie - which didn't nearly do the book justice) but in the middle of the book, Garp has two sons - Duncan and Walt.  In a horrible accident, Walt dies and Duncan loses an eye.  Forever after, Duncan focuses on the defects in other people.  In fact, there's a scene where he's in a NYC skyscraper using a telescope to point out the defects in the pedestrians below.

I do this.  I don't know if it's a function of my own defects or it's a function of having read this book.  I don't place any judgment based on a person's defects*, but I do note them.  (Much to my husband's dismay sometimes.) Watching the news is particularly rough.  This person has a mole, that person's ears are slightly different, that dress makes her boobs look huge, 'what the hell is up with his hair???'... don't get me started on a particular politician whose facial characteristics remind me of an evil Who (from Whoville - not the Dr.).

When I think about it now, I'm going to say it had more to do with the book at first and then the accident exacerbated it.  My first boyfriend had a birth defect where one arm was significantly shorter than the other.  And the short arm didn't work quite right.  A college boyfriend was missing two fingers from a snowblower accident.

Anyway, I've been thinking about defects a lot.  Yesterday especially.  Scarlet - one of our resident does - brought her fawn to feed here yesterday afternoon.  I got the camera and took a bunch of shots - zoomed and on the highest resolution.  He was so cute.  I ran inside, downloaded and looked through the shots I'd just taken.  And then I noticed something.  So, I used the program to enlarge to 100% and looked at his eyes.

He's missing one.

I won't post any pictures where you can see.  It's pretty gruesome and fairly disturbing.  Super cute little guy with a... well, you can picture it on your own, so I won't go there either.

I named him Sammy**.  I would call him Duncan, but then I'd have to explain The World According to Garp to my husband, who hasn't read it and doesn't want to.  I don't blame him.  It's a powerful book, but it's disturbing.  Evidenced by the fact that I haven't read the book in like 15 years and it's still disturbing me today.  (If you haven't read it, don't.  You don't want that shit all up in your head.  It never comes out.)  Plus, he could be a doe - in which case Sammy still works, but Duncan would be weird.

I guess in a way, it's good for me to notice all the little defects, or quirks - if the word defects bothers you.  I'm a writer.  Adding defects and/or quirks adds richness to the writing.  It makes the characters memorable.  But it sure makes it hard to carry on a conversation sometimes.

Another day, I'll talk a little about Walt and how that particular character warped me. (Seriously, if you haven't read it, don't.  If you have, I'm sorry.)

What about you?  How do you handle defects?  Do you ignore them, focus on them, or just file them away for the day when they might be useful in your work?


* Judging people based on their physical characteristics is just stupid.  It's not what you see that makes a person, it's what they do and who they are.  Duh.
**After Sammy Davis, Jr. who lost his eye in a car accident when he was a young man. 

Picture Pause - Something Pretty

Here's a little something pretty to brighten up your Saturday.

Have a great rest of the weekend. =o)

Toast

I hit the skids.  I'd call it the mid-summer blahs, but I'm afraid if I give it a name it'll hang around like a stray cat. 

Also, I woke up under the wrong side of the rock from my nap.  Grouchy McGroucherson.  Nothing I do feels right and I have this underlying suspicion that I totally suck in every way.  This, too, shall pass.  Until then, don't expect scintillating words from me. 

Which doesn't bode well for my writing.  If I can't throw off a page worth of brilliance for the blog, how can I lay down pages and pages of spectacularness for my books? 

I'm toast.

In other news, I expect to have a most awesome guest poster for Monday on The Guide.  She totally rocks.  And in true Wayne and Garth fashion, I'm so not worthy.

Minor Pet Peeve

Okay, I know somehow or other it became 'the thing' to refer to the smell of blood as 'coppery'.  Blood doesn't smell like copper, people.  Copper doesn't smell like anything.  Metal* doesn't smell like anything. 

Blood does taste metallic.  (Yeah, I know this because I was the kid who put pennies in my mouth.  Cut me some slack, though.  I didn't know how disgusting they are.  Also, I've had blood in my mouth and the tastes are comparable.)  But only to a certain extent. 

Yes, we writers have to describe things the best we can so readers can understand what we're trying to convey.  Right now, readers have been trained to expect that blood smells coppery.  It's a thing. 

But seriously, it's a wrong thing.  As a reader it trips me up every single time - even when a writer I love love love has written it.  And I even get that what they really mean is that blood smells like metal tastes - but saying it that way is weird. 

But it's still wrong.

Blood has a tangy smell.  It smells sharp and salty (like the ocean - not like table salt, because that doesn't have a smell either).  It smells like a butcher shop or a package of fresh ground beef (because of... ya know... the blood).  Old blood might smell sour or rancid. 

My point is that blood has a lot of smells, but none of them are the smell of metal.  Don't believe me?  Pick up a copper pan and sniff it.  What's it smell like?  I can guarantee it doesn't smell like blood. (Yeah, I know what lots of blood smells like.  I may not remember much about my accident, but that stays with you on a sensory level.)

Your turn.  What's a minor pet peeve you have as a reader? 

*It's entirely possible that at some point I have referred to the smell of blood as 'metallic' - because it's a thing, not because it's right.  If I have, I was lazy.  Forgive me.

Close Encounter of the Tick Kind

So there I was in the Walmart having a lovely conversation with this delightful old lady - about dishwasher detergent and what additives are best for hard water (yeah, I do things like that - and we agreed on Lemi-shine).  As she was talking, I noticed something crawling through her short, white hair.  I looked closer and it was a big, black tick.  So I said "Oh, hold still darlin'.  You have a tick in your hair."  And she did, so I took it out.  I put it on the ground to squish it, but she went after it, trying to kill it with her fingernail.  That didn't work, so she was all matter-of-fact saying "I'll just pull it's head off."  End of the tick.  She couldn't imagine where it came from.  Neither could I - she was immaculate. 

And yeah, I apologized and told her I don't usually ask to put my hands in strangers' hair.  But I couldn't just let her wander off with that thing on her.  :shudder:  She was cool with it.  She thanked me, we finished our conversation, and off she went.

What would you do if you saw a complete stranger with a tick on them?

As an aside, I would just like to say I love listening to the local children talk.  It's like walking around on the set of To Kill a Mockingbird. 

MasterChef - UK vs US

I've watched MasterChef pretty much since its inception.  I love cooking competitions.  Top Chef, MasterChef, Food Network Star.  I love watching people put gorgeous food together, but hey, I LOVE food.  (Not a foodie, just a food lover.)

I hadn't watch the UK version of MasterChef until I moved here, though.  (Our cable provider didn't have BBC America on basic, and now I have satellite.)  And I only just found the show a few weeks ago.  OMG, I love it way more than I ever liked the US version.

Okay, so the UK one is called MasterChef: Professionals.  It's people in the business cooking for their peers and restaurant critics and chefs above them in terms of experience.  The US one is home cooks who'd like to break into being professionals.

On the UK version, there aren't any 'weird' challenges.  The contestants have to do perfectly normal chef things - like de-bone a fish (for the skills test) or make a perfect dish according to what Chef Michel tells them to do - usually some classical dish.

On the US show, there's a lot of back-biting and snide comments.  (Especially this season - which I stopped watching because I couldn't take the bitchiness anymore.)  On the UK show, the contestants are calm and respectful and supportive of one another.

The judges are also a lot nicer in the UK - even when they're giving criticism.  There's no yelling.  I don't think it's in Chef Michel's makeup to shout.  And there's no swearing at people.  Plus, he smiles a lot.  And that Greg guy who also judges?  He's delightful.  I love it when he eats something he loves because you can tell how much he enjoys it.  It's written all over his face. 

With Gordon Ramsey, there's yelling and swearing (not just MasterChef, but on Kitchen Nightmares* and Hell's Kitchen - geez, Gordon, you're going to give yourself an aneurysm.)  And that other judge on MasterChef - the skinny, super-superior one?  Good lord, man, take whatever stick is shoved up your... posterior regions... out and enjoy life again.

Maybe the Brits are just nicer people.  (Okay, I know Ramsey is a Brit, but I think nobody ever told him that it's possible to educate and criticize without berating and humiliating.)  Maybe the British audiences just won't put up with the kind of crap that American audiences clamor for.   I mean, seriously - they have Downton Abbey and we have Here Comes Honey-BooBoo.  Nuff said.

Anyway, I just thought it was an interesting comparison.  What do you think?  Have you watched any of the British versions of shows we have here in the US?



*And if you ever get a chance to watch the UK version of Kitchen Nightmares, even Ramsey is nicer over there than he is here.  But he still drops the f-bomb constantly.