I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I ran that red light. I fell off my bike three times in one summer. I dated... too many wrong men to count.
You know, they say if you don't learn from your mistakes you're doomed to repeat them. And I think I am the poster child for that statement. Didn't learn from the red light that almost killed me, ran another one and not only totalled my car, but got sued. I wore the wrong shoes while riding my bike the first time... and the second time. The third time, I was carrying a tote bag in the handle bars and when the bag got caught in the spokes... Well, I only did the one once, but it was in the same summer, so I'm counting it. As for the men, the fact that I can't count them should account for the fact that it took me a really long time to learn from those mistakes. (Hubs proves that I do eventually learn, but that was after 17 years worth of heartache, etc.)
Anyway, now I'm stuck in a rut where I rehash everything. What could I have done differently to avoid making the same mistake in the future? Well, I don't ride bikes anymore. I am super viligent on the roads - especially at traffic signals. And like I said, I fixed the dating mistakes by finding the right one and hanging onto him.
But I still wonder about past mistakes. I know there's nothing I can do about them. You can't change the past. Maybe I'm hoping to change the future. Maybe I'm looking for places where I've done something I can still rectify. Perhaps I'm still looking for a way to fix the unfixable.
Most days I'm pretty good about staying in the now and looking toward the future. Some days I get stuck in a loop where I'm still rehashing a phone conversation I had years ago wondering where I went wrong, or I revisit a fight with someone I don't even know anymore to figure out what I could've said to end the fight on a different note, or I remember some parenting thing I did that finally years later I realize was probably the wrong way to have handled it. (And then I apologize to the Kid who doesn't even remember what I did and who rightfully thinks I've slipped a gear.)
:shrug: It's a thing. But I like to think I'm getting better.
Although, next week, I'll probably be laying in bed wondering if this post was a mistake and whether I could've written it differently. ;o)
(Don't even get me started on the nights I lay awake wondering if I started a story in the right place, ended it in the wrong place, or totally screwed up the plot.)