tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6076293789081887442.post1317472391386010243..comments2024-01-04T19:29:46.884-06:00Comments on The Not-Writing Spectacle: Fixing What You Didn't Know Was BrokenUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6076293789081887442.post-62970797737689775942013-09-18T07:22:27.023-05:002013-09-18T07:22:27.023-05:00My first reaction tends to be "what are you t...My first reaction tends to be "what are you talking about?" followed hours later by "duh, why didn't I see that?"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6076293789081887442.post-69031547728967050102013-09-17T19:25:37.107-05:002013-09-17T19:25:37.107-05:00I don't think it has a YA voice. People may no...I don't think it has a YA voice. People may not understand that urban fantasy usually has a chatty voice. Who wants to be all stuffy when writing UF? It's supposed to be light and fun.<br /><br />I will say the package line drew me in, so if you're going to rearrange, maybe something like "I was planning my next big party when the package came in, with a stamp from Constantinople. From my thief father most likely, though I doubt he was still even there..." That's rough, but you get the general gist. A sprinkle of personality, mystery, and family drama from your first couple paragraphs compacted into a couple lines to kick things off. <br /><br />I think the voice is strong, and I love the 1920s beginning, so I wouldn't panic and think some major rewrite is needed. I don't think it's the wrong beginning, just rearrange a little maybe like you said?<br /><br />I will say for comfort purposes that some of the people that comment on the Secret Agent contest over at MSFV are not always the nicest/most constructive. I have very thick skin and actually really enjoy getting feedback, but I did Secret Agent over there a couple years ago and got fairly vexed by the whole thing. That hasn't happened to me ever for any other contest, and as you know, I've been in a ton! They get a lemming effect going big time and a lot of people just regurgitate the previous comments. Anyways, just putting that out there :) <br />alexiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07122487552931794871noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6076293789081887442.post-82070327009206988662013-09-17T12:49:53.165-05:002013-09-17T12:49:53.165-05:00See...I thought it was okay. But I guess that'...See...I thought it was okay. But I guess that's not a good thing because it was "okay." I'll have to think on this. Given the whole YA/NA genres, I can see why people might try to lump Djinnocide there. I'll need to go back and reread the opening again when I get some free time. I agree with Maria. Put it aside for a bit, think about other projects then come back with new eyes in a little while. We'll talk. :)Silver Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15606837105470988646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6076293789081887442.post-609871812148203142013-09-17T10:10:07.239-05:002013-09-17T10:10:07.239-05:00After reading the opening, I can see how people go...After reading the opening, I can see how people got the YA feel. I don't think you need it.<br /><br />Start with the inciting moment. Is it the package? Or her birthday party? Or something that happens later?<br /><br />You don't need to tell the reader her back story or why she acts the way she does IF you show it inside the narrative as she's going through the story itself.<br /><br />My guess is if you've probably looked at this so long you've become attached to the opening. Give yourself some distance and time. Read other books in your genre with snappy openings. I'm willing to bet you'll notice what you need to edit after a vacation from the story.Maria Zanninihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01604862636922299273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6076293789081887442.post-40823893716583254582013-09-17T09:33:15.242-05:002013-09-17T09:33:15.242-05:00To be honest... I sort of agree with a majority of...To be honest... I sort of agree with a majority of those comments. I felt a YA vibe from those first 250 words as well. This is meant to be a "looking back" to where everything began, right? But her voice is still a bit YA, even though she's supposed to be telling us what happened from her future self. I could be wrong there, because the version I read of Djinnocide started somewhere else.<br /><br />As for the second point, I agree that it starts in the wrong place. I would almost start the story with action (in the version I read, she was going to a warehouse (I believe)). You could start the story with a bang, then have the next chapter start with her bringing in a bit of backstory, that way we're introduced to Jo and the world a bit first, then we're given some history. They do this in movies all the time, where they have a big opening and then they show how they got there. *shrugs*<br /><br />I do believe their comments about marriageability were ridiculous. They clearly do not know their history and were just spouting out random (and incorrect) information.<br /><br />I also love the voice you do have here. She's very chatty, and although it comes across as a bit young, I think if you start with Jo as she is now, we'll already be accustomed to her style. =)Natalie Murphyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01116611923169722657noreply@blogger.com